A string of memories

I constantly have to remind myself that my time will come. There will be a time when someone is actally afraid of losing me. There will be a time when I will be the only thing that matters ( I sound selfish but hell aren't we all). I have to remind myself that if people really want to be with you, spend some time together, or heck just even see a glimpse of you, they will and would find mthrfcking way. Whatever the fuck it takes.

You never have to force yourself to anyone.
You should never ever fight for your place in another person's life, because if you matter in the first place, you already have a place.


I should just let things be.
And whatever will be, will be.

"The next time I fall in love, I want it to be with someone who will love me as much as I love him,
Someone who would always choose me as I would always choose him.
Someone who would look at my flaws as part of my beauty,
Someone who would remind me that I am special and unique.

The next time I fall in love, I want it to be with a man who is mature enough to stay by my side and never give up whatever life throws at us.
Not with a boy who is a coward and would run away as soon as he senses trouble and then leaves me hanging.
I want a man who would love my imperfections because perfection is boring,
A man whom I can be crazy and weird with because being too serious is boring.
A man who knows when and how to have fun,
Not a boy who only wants to play flames and games.
The next time I fall in love, I want it to be with the man I can make love and wake up to in the morning.
A man who's ready to commit and build a family.
A man that I can spend the rest of my life with and share my wholeness,
And who would never leave so that when we grow old we would take care of each other.
I don't need to date several boys just to find him.
I know he will find me.
I am ready to wait for us to find each other.
So the next time I fall in love, I want it to be with my future husband."
poem and art by Clary Clay

Are we just gonna stay like this forever, floating?

Realization..big word. Well, more like insights. As usual, the point of this post is to let my thoughts and feelings out because I can't tell them to anyone.

I've come to the point in my life where I...am realizing how much pleasure it is to be alone.

My last post here was about the RG, and judging from the tone of my post, I was striving to be loved by someone who doesn't love me for what I am and what I have to offer. And now, well, he already found a special someone and I'm just hoping he won't fuck this one up - again.

I'm happy. Ok, maybe happy is broad..

I'm...light.

I feel like I can breathe again - like I've let a thorn out of my life.

Let me end by putting a snippet of an article I found in the Internet:

I just want you to know that I fought for our relationship. I fought my emotions so that I could hold on to what we had. But I can see myself tearing apart as it happens. It is not easy to move on, but it's easier to let go of things that don't make you happy anymore.

(There was a 7.7 magnitude earthquake in South Asia a minute ago, let's pray for the people there.)


  Well, as usual, the purpose of this post is to rant about reality and about everything, simply because I can't tell it to no one else. The highlight, however, is on this perfectly screwed relationship that can't be repaired. In fact, it's waay beyond repair.

I am so tired of even thinking about him. It makes me think why we even met in the first place.. Well, okay, for the experience and everything.. but, you know, it doesn't make any sense. Why meet someone who won't be your friend in the future anyway? Now there's just this one big awkward bubble when we meet. It's like I'm having second thoughts about his existence.

But don't get me wrong, I'd like to be his friend.. But, nah. I don't think it's good for the both of us.

After all, it was his "problem" that drove us apart. He said he was confused, and he's not really sure what we wanted.

Frankly though, I was also so tired of keeping our relationship together. It's like trying to mend an already teared..jeans. But I think this is for the best.

The worst part is...I don't know when will be the worst part. Right now I'm just shrugging it off and not thinking about. But I think I know better now.

My friends are all saying the same thing: Leave him. He's not worth it.

Well, I got more than 2 years of this shit and I think I'll go through with that advice. Should've known.

"Nobody gets the girl from highschool."


I thought I destroyed my phone for my mom to buy me a new one but it's a Nokia AND IT STILL WORKS PROPERLY GAHD
 

Now I understand why some girls cheat on their boyfriends.

When boyfriends lack the interest, I know each and every girl will know.

But I love him, and I don't want to let go.

And I want somebody else to see my value.

Because my own boyfriend doesn't see mine.